Christmas reflections

I love the Advent season. I love the richness of what it brings, how it slows me down a bit and how it teaches us to wait, wait in anticipation for what is to come. Incarnation. Emmanuel. God with us. With Christmas day upon us, we light the center candle, the "Christ" candle that highlights that the Spirit of the Lord is upon the Christ, the Root of Jesse (Isaiah 11).
With the imagery that Christ's birth brings, I am once again reminded of one of my favorite themes of God's work, something that is woven throughout Scripture, but historically and theologically: reversals. He did not choose a strong man or a royal stage for His Son to enter into the world, He chose a baby and a manager as a symbol of God's love for humankind. This is a humble beginning, an ordinary setting for an extraordinary Savior. May this remind us not to dismiss the mundane experiences and moments that populate our lives. A day of small things should not be dismissed because great things rise from the humble and mundane moments of life. Life itself is made by these moments.
Christmas day is sacred, set apart in its meaning, but my prayer is that we don't isolate this Christmas season in its meaning. Our celebration should not end tomorrow night or next week; any ordinary day of the year is an opportunity to celebrate God's presence amidst the "every day" of our lives. Emmanuel. God with us.
Merry Christmas.

Gingerbread, refugees and roommates

With a very difficult and emotional Saturday, I was happy to be part of an uplifting evening full of frosting, warm cider, and good company on Sunday. Both their fabulous location in Columbia City as well as their employment ties to World Relief allowed my old roommates to host a stellar Christmas party for several refugee families (most of which are from Eritrea) and neighbor kids. The house was full of children getting high on sweets, laughter, dancing, and probably Lynessa's gas from the chili. Good times were had by all. Highlights from the night:
1) picking up an Eritrean family with Kristen in Lynessa's nasty old Subaru (which is only worth about $100 and is literally growing moss) and trying to teach my carload of kids "Jingle Bells" as the car nearly broke down on the hill 2) receiving language lessons from the adorable Natalia...her family has only been in the US for 3 months 3) eating Lindsey's famous banana bread 4) and of course, being around some of my favorite old roommates ever. My not so favorite part of the evening...a 8-year old repeatedly telling me I should have a husband...not only that but I should have obtained one about 6 years ago. I gave her the task of finding me one at the party, but she never came back...

Remembering Emily

The last several days I have been trying to prepare myself for tomorrow the 8th. The date marks the 3rd anniversary of the death of a dear friend, Emily. Emily was the first person I met at SPU when I began as a freshman, a day I'll never forget. She was two years older than me and served as my peer advisor/resident advisor on my dorm floor. Since our rooms were right next to each other, I spent a lot of time getting to know Emily, playing pranks on her, and depending on the state of the night, we'd stay up late laughing about nothing at all or talking about faith, grace, and life struggles. As a young adult, I can truly said she was and will always be one of the most influential people I've known. After my freshman year, Emily and I continued to deepen our friendship over coffee dates; she is responsible for introducing me to some of my favorite coffee shops in Seattle. That mentorship taught me so much about relationships and character development than I could have ever anticipated. She wasn't perfect by all means, but I can honestly say she has been one of the most vulnerable and intentional people I have known. She always meant what she said and she shared her heart and soul with such love and commitment to close communion with those that knew her best. Her nickname was Sparkles and anyone that knew her knows why.

Every anniversary day has been difficult. Society expects that you should be over it by now and move on. The truth is, you can't ever just get over the death of someone that was so close to your heart and soul. Yes, living life beyond grief is necessary, but grief itself is very complicated. The truth is, that when you lose someone you love, a part of you dies with that person. It sounds cliche, and it is, but it's true.





So vividly, I remember everything about that day three years ago. Each year has gotten easier for me to focus on Emily and her character, and less on the events of that day 3 years ago. It has become a little bit easier to talk about my favorite memories of her, and celebrate her life in a very distinctive way on this anniversary by doing something she would have loved. Although I know she is at the feet of her Father, it still isn't easy to swallow. I miss her. She was so young, a new bride, and a promising individual that wanted to help the world through psychology. Why questions surround her death. The Lord is Sovereign and although many ask these questions 3 years later, I know that God continues to walk with us through it. His presence is comfort, something we desperately need in our frail humanity.
Tomorrow will be a particularly difficult day because it is also the day of the funeral service for my coach. With all of this in mind I am reminded of one of Emily's favorite poems, The Valley of Vision. The valley of darkness is where we are able to see the light shine brighter. For now, that's enough hope.


Even with so many deaths in my life over the past few years, I cannot help but think that God is preparing me for a lifetime of ministry where pain, death, and grief saturate the norms of life. When I think about where I'm headed and the field I am pursuing, I know I am not far off. AIDS, psychological trauma, rape, loss of parents, and victims of violence demand not just a sympathetic response, but an empathetic one. I am learning what these rhythms of mercy look like.

I am a true believer in taking the time to acknowledge and sit with real pain, taste it, and let it rest upon your shoulders. But the story does not and should not end there; there is hope and healing through Christ. However, this is not an excuse to ignore the pain of this world or even undermine it. Pain requires validity and acknowledgment. Being human means living between the tension of this grief and hope. We look forward, but we must also look back in order to not only grow, but also remember what it means to be human. Looking back and taking the time to experience and absorb the suffering around you inspires you and pushes you to seek the hope that is only found in Christ. This is one of the prominent things I have learned from the loss of many loved ones.

So if you will, please keep the family and friends of both Emily and Bonnie in your prayers, especially over the next few days and weeks. Tomorrow is not the only day we take to remember, but in the lives of at least two families and multiple circles of friends, tomorrow will a bit quieter, filled with reflection and tears, and because grief is so complicated, probably laughter in light of those fond memories.

World AIDS Day

December 1st marks World AIDS Day. Today, just like any other day, 6,000 children will lose a parent to AIDS today, but today is a particular day set aside to raise awareness on the issue. Take a moment to reflect upon the epidemic of HIV/AIDS for millions of men, women, and children around the world. Taste it and experience it for yourself.

Eli's new trick

For the first time ever, my nephew Eli did this hilarious thing when he got really excited yesterday. I like to think I had something to do with it...perhaps it was our third child connection.

A life cut too short

Yesterday I found out that my old coach and friend, Bonnie Cooper, passed away suddenly last week. For years Bonnie was on the coach of our rival school softball team, but in 7th grade she not only became my all-star softball coach, she also became my soccer coach when I joined the Lightnings. For six years she inspired us, pushed us, danced with us, laughed with us, cheered for us on and off the field, allowed us to wear homemade capes and listen to ridiculous boy bands on a boom box while we warmed up before a game, and let us harass her by singing My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean. Trips to Coeur d'Alene, Wenatchee, and Saturdays at North Creek are still fond memories of mine. Bonnie was our fearless leader and we loved her for it.





It is so strange how death steals people we care about, people that have shaped us, people that have made us smile and will continue to do so long after they've passed away. For Bonnie, it just seems way too soon. Two days ago I was cleaning out my closet, going through old pictures, keepsakes, and even a couple of cards from Bonnie, all things from my days on the Lightnings; Bonnie came to my mind very quickly. Isn't it strange how God brings people to your mind at just the right time? Of course it isn't easy when the next news you hear of that person is tragic, but I believe it is still a gentle reminder of how important that person has been to you. It is a gentle reminder of God's blessing and grace through that unique individual.
For those that knew Bonnie, services will be held Saturday, December 8th, 2pm at 16500 124th Ave NE, Woodinville, WA.

Thanksgiving with my crazy family

Ch-ch-ch-changes

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind. During my last several days in the Los Angeles area I was able to pack in both things that I love as well as things I have been wanting to do since I moved to LA. Among the list: Disneyland, Laguna Beach, Santa Barbara, Hotel Cafe, Diddy Reese, In-N-Out, Lacy Park, and most importantly, I have had the chance to spend some great time with friends, professors, and people from my church. Although I will (and already do) miss my favorite hangouts, restaurants, and the beautiful sunshine in LA, the relationships I've built in LA over the last 2+ years are the most difficult to physically leave behind. I know it won't be long before I see many of my favorite Pasadenites (I think I just made up a new word...) but until then, know that I miss you all already.



It has a been a very memorable last couple of years; I was reminded of this on Sunday during my "going away party," where I had the chance to see some of you that have walked this journey with me over the last 2 years at Fuller and beyond. What a blessings you friends are to me!



I began the long drive early Monday morning with my Subaru maxed out...not gonna lie...I did shed some tears as I drove out of Pasadena. I drove up the 101 and then took the 1 along the coast through Big Sur, Carmel, Santa Cruz, and through San Francisco. My first night I stayed with a friend that also went to Fuller, but moved away this last summer. It was great to catch up with Emma and spend some time with her and her new husband. Day 2 took me through the rest of California, through Mt. Shasta area and to the northern part of Oregon. Although Portland is a measly 3-hour drive from Seattle, I decided to stop for the night and spend some time with one of close friends from college (Desiree...and her husband). She is one of my favorite people to spend time with in life! Every time we get together we act like junior highers, always laughing and talking about the most ridiculous things. Wednesday morning I cruised into a sunny Seattle (this is rare for you folks beyond the clouds and rain), made a quick stop to see my sister, nephews, and niece, and finally made it to my destination.





Many have asked why Seattle, why now? What are you going to do now? What's next? My answer is complicated and multi-faceted. As many of you know, I have a 2-year overseas commitment of service to fulfill as part of a scholarship I received through Fuller. I plan to begin that sometime next year in Africa; knowing this, I wanted to spend some time with family and friends in Seattle before having to leave again. Since my experiences at Fuller exposed me to a lot of significant questions surrounding theological issues, Christian living, and how personal and intellectual faith interact with one another, I realized it was necessary for me to take some real time to work through these questions with intentionality now, before I move overseas. As much as I love Pasadena and my friends and community there, I felt it was time for me to step back from that context in order to really ask process my experiences at Fuller. I certainly know what I am giving up, but I also know that I am gaining a great many things as well. I anticipate a season of rest, a time to process things on paper and in prayer. I see this time as a time of preparation to live and work overseas. As I consider future plans and pursue different possibilities over the next several months, I also look forward to taking the time to enjoy areas of my life I've put aside for many years. I'm excited to take a digital photography class and get back into that again, learn to cook so my African friends can't make fun of my domestic incapabilities in the kitchen, and read books I've been wanting to tackle for so long. Sure, I am a bit anxious about this new season ahead of me; transition is difficult for most, but my hope is that this time before me, however long it is, will be a time of refreshment and renewal on many levels. I also appreciate your support and prayers for me during this new transition.

Awareness through film

There are two films that recently came out, both seem to be very promising in their ability to raise awareness and cultivate a new way of looking at real issues in both Sudan and Uganda. Their trailers are below...

Darfur Now:


War Dance:

Going Green

So "Green Week" fell at the end of September for most, but LA is a little slow as it's official week in the sun was last week. However, with the WGA strike, the media's responsibility to publicize "Green Week" dissipated. "Green Week" highlights important issues related to the environment and simple decisions we can make as human beings to help our surroundings instead of damage them. I'm not just blogging about this because I'm from Seattle, where tree huggers and recycling fiends are produced, although I commend the Northwest's commitment to these issues. I believe that Christians have a special responsibility to be stewards of what they have been given; the environment should be part of that. If Christians truly want to engage in the world, environmental decisions must be part of this. Here are some statistics to think about:

• Recycling one aluminum can saves enough energy to run a TV for three hours (or the equivalent of a half a gallon of gasoline).
• If every American recycled just one-tenth of their newspapers, we would save about 25,000,000 trees a year.
• The amount of wood and paper we throw away each year is enough to heat 50,000,000 homes for 20 years.
• Each ton of recycled paper can save 17 trees, 380 gallons of oil, three cubic yards of landfill space, 4000 kilowatts of energy, and 7000 gallons of water. This represents a 64% energy savings, a 58% water savings, and 60 pounds less of air pollution!
• The energy saved from recycling one glass bottle can run a 100-watt light bulb for four hours. It also causes 20% less air pollution and 50% less water pollution than when a new bottle is made from raw materials.
• Every year, each American throws out about 1,200 pounds of organic garbage that can be composted.
• If a family of four takes 5-minute showers each day, they will use more than 700 gallons of water every week--the equivalent of a three-year supply of drinking water for one person.
• The junk mail Americans receive in one day could produce enough energy to heat 250,000 homes.
• Substituting a compact fluorescent light for a traditional bulb will keep a half-ton of CO2 out of the atmosphere over the life of the bulb.

Making small changes every day goes a long way. Check out The Green Guide for some ideas.

Truth and Lyrics

Over the last few days a Shane and Shane worship song that found me a couple years ago has found me again. It paints a picture of the feelings of a dry and struggling relationship between a follower of Christ and his/her Creator. It is a place we've all found ourselves during one point or another:

Put down your paper plate
come to the table made
deep blue china
found on the table by the wine
so fine

it brings out flavor
like You bring out color in life

oh, i miss You so
the feel of forever
oh, that taste i know
it hurts to remember
unfortunately high
ironically dissatisfied
i miss You
i miss You

oh, i miss You so
the feel of forever
oh, that taste i know
it hurts to remember

i had a fleeting thought this morning
and i mentioned you today
it breaks my heart just to know You in part
and not to be with You where You are


Beautiful.

On Air

Okay, call me ridiculous, but I wanted to inform my fan base of two TV appearances occurring today and tomorrow:
1) ER. This airs tonight. I play a patient in a bed in the background of a front desk scene between characters Samantha and Frank; I also play a visitor reading a magazine in a scene between Neela and another doctor walking down the hall...I am more visible in this scene, but nonetheless, I would avoid excessive blinking on your part. :)
2) Ellen. This airs tomorrow (Friday). A couple of my friends and I are just behind the rail, which appears to be the first row. I am wearing a white shirt with stripes. There is a segment where Ellen does a car ad during the show, which involves a shot on our row doing laundry (it makes sense in the context of her joke).

There you go. Enjoy!

Happy Halloween!