Highly entertaining....

Anti-climatic graduation in all its glory

June's commencement activities have come and gone, and yet it hasn't been until now that I can say it's official. Apparently Fuller thinks I've "mastered" cross-cultural studies...or something to that effect. Although I walked in June and turned in my last bit of work for Fuller about a week and a half ago, this is the week that the completion of my master's degree actually sets in. As other Fuller peeps begin to fill their day planners with due dates and empty their bank accounts to pay for tuition, I'm trying to figure out this whole "life after grad school thing," which is actually a nice alternative to the day planner and empty bank account deal. I drove by Fuller today on my way to run some errands and could see all the newbies (although they are probably all older than me...awkward) carrying their new books, to and from campus...it won't be long before they become over-caffeinated zombies that never see the sun. A part of me is sad that I'm not sitting in a classroom this fall for the first time since I was 5 (I'm such a nerd), but another part of me is excited to actually put it all into practice. After all, I've been waiting since I was 15 to get here and actually do what I say want to professionally. Although I'll be around campus quite a bit this fall to pursue projects for both my dean and his son-in-law, I'm somewhat excited to step out and see where God leads me next. Let's hope I'm not labelled the "lurking graduate" that can't leave the comforts of Fuller...you know the type.
I've had the opportunity to cover a lot of ground. Academically, this is what I walk away from Fuller with:

Fall 2005:

• Serving and Communicating Cross-Culturally
• Culture and Transformation
• Children at Risk

Winter 2006:

• Spirituality in Mission
• Global Evangelical Movement
• Transformational Development

Spring 2006:

• Church in Mission
• Teamwork and Leadership
• Relief, Refugees, and Humanitarian Aid

Summer 2006:

• Advocating for Social Justice
• Language Learning Method
• Systematic Theology 1: Anthropology and the Revelation of God

Fall 2006:

• Old Testament Writings
• Biblical Foundations of Mission
• New Testament 2: Acts-Revelation

Winter 2007:

• Thinking Missiologically
• Pentateuch
• Systematic Theology 2: Soteriology and Christology

Spring 2007:

• New Testament 1: Synoptic Gospels
• Grief, Loss, Death, and Dying
• Sexuality, Culture, and Ministry
• Ministry to Sexually-Exploited Children

Summer 2007:

• Practicum in Nairobi, Kenya

In raw numbers:

• Number of classes taken: 23
• Number of pages typed for formal papers: about 750
• Number of hours spent in class: 900
• Number of pages read for school: 35,000

With these experiences I have been blessed to study under some of the sharpest scholars in their fields, as well as some of the most experienced practitioners out there. It has been pretty surreal to learn from the people that wrote the books on these topics. Many of them have left a lasting impression on me and I cannot thank them enough, not only professionally but personally as well. My deepest blessings have been from Doug McConnell and Bryant Myers, two individuals that have invested in me, both in and outside of the classroom. These are the type of people that make Fuller a unique place to study and grow, a place I'll always love and hold near and dear to my heart as one of the best things I've ever done. It hasn't been an easy journey, especially on the faith-side of things, but it has forced to deal with jolting questions and various paradoxes of life. I remember having a conversation about this with Scott several months ago, the idea of seminary kind of tearing down your faith in order to really make you mull over how you live and speak it, all with the hope of new reconstruction, an educated faith. This journey of tearing down and rebuilding, reflected in the title of Scott's own German-titled blog "aufhebung," has been my own testimony. Along the way I have, on some level, embraced cynicism and disengagement with my more conservative and legalistic faith upbringing, claiming these reactions as justifiable rights or entitlements. It has been part of my journey and although these reactions may not have been the healthiest ways to work through my faith, it has been my story, a story I am ultimately grateful for in its fullness, sometimes seemingly emptiness, and embedded challenges. I know I still have a long ways to go in order to make sense of everything I have learned at Fuller, especially in relation to implications for my own faith, but I'm beginning to see the hope in moving forward and figuring out how to live in the tensions of faith I struggle with. I have always valued the ability to think critically, whether its about economics, social justice issues, the Church, etc., but I know that balance is a delicate dance and I'm still trying to learn to live in that tension between child-like faith and critical engagement. I think it will take time, but I welcome that. Scholar and author Robert Linthicum once said that theology is primarily a process, not a product; it is faith in search of understanding. Coming full circle, this reality is sinking in more and more. So as I look back on my time at Fuller, I am filled with gratitude, even for those darkest moments of faith and reflection. They have contributed to who I am, and I know that my experiences at Fuller will continue to encourage and shape me.

Missing the marks of my Kenyan experience

It has now been almost 3 weeks since I arrived in LA after being in Africa for almost 2 months. With Kenya and my experiences still very much at the forefront of my mind and heart, I wanted to share some of the things I miss most.
10) The tea. Any time is tea time in Kenya. Kenyans have a special way of making this stuff. Seriously. Hats off to excessive amounts of sugar and milk consumption.
9) Huge avocados and mangos. Fabulous fruits at your fingertips? Yes. And for only pennies people!
8) Women carrying stuff on their heads. I miss seeing this everywhere and my friends back here at home are not skilled enough to replicate this cultural mark, myself included.
7) The music. I miss the type of Kenyan music that makes me want to dance. Rose and Mago Mago...why aren't you on my radio here?
6) The singing and uninhibited worship. I was always amazed how people broke out in song at work, while doing chores, while walking, etc. This heart for worship and song was inspiring to me.
5) The kids at Grapesyard. I miss their smiles and laughs the most. They were and are hope.
4) My siblings. I miss my little monkeys from the oldest to the youngest. There were often troublemakers, but they made me laugh.
3) Walks in the early evening. I miss the smells, the activity, and the way the sky lit up at night in the evening. This was my favorite time of day in Lucky Summer.
2) The close-knit communities. I miss seeing familiar faces and kids playing with rocks and jump roping after school near their homes. I miss the way people seem to know each other and greet each other walking down the street. I miss the community of Lucky Summer BBF Church.
1) Loice. I miss laughing, talking, and being mischievous with my dear sister. Although I continue to find joy in communicating with her even though distance separates us, it's just not the same. This also includes the rest of the wonderful Abanga family as well.

Acting like it matters

With a hospital gown on- complete with booties and a wristband- I began my "career" (thankfully not so much) as an extra in Hollywood today. First day on the job: ER. I'm not going to lie...I was pretty excited yesterday because within minutes of registering in Burbank, I called into the hotline and got the part as a gown patient turned visitor. Although it's kind of random and obviously far from what I actually want to do with my life, working as an extra in movies and TV will give me a source of income for the next couple of months as I plan to hang around the LA area until at least the holidays. Although I'm not thrilled about minimum wage, I think it will be a unique LA experience, filled with adventure and personal growth...which was confirmed today.
The day began at 4:30AM and two security checks, a wardrobe check, and a tram-ride later (I got lost on the Warner Bros. lot), I was on the set of ER. During the first part of the day I was a gown patient- which basically means I acted like I was dying in a hospital bed. I had a front row seat to the filming of a couple scenes with some new actors, but I also got to see a scene between characters Frank and Sam:

Later on, I changed wardrobe and played the role of a visitor. I was in a shot with Parminder Nagra and a re-occurring actor that I didn't recognize while they did a hallway scene. I also met Scott Grimes during some downtime:









Although I did not have the chance to see or meet John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse, I look forward to that day. Hopefully I will not be wearing a hospital gown when I lock eyes with the man that topped the charts of mullet madness in 1988. Now that's something to put on your resume.
It was quite interesting to observe the whole scene of a TV set. A part of me felt like I was working with a bunch of junior highers; everyone seemed to want to show off, whether it was a main actor or an extra. Many of the extras were ridiculous in their boasting...no offense but I don't really care if you played played George Clooney's hand twin in 1995. I also found many of the conversations around me to be quite interesting to listen to. Throughout the course of the day I heard several people talk about their views on God, most of which spoke from a non-Christian perspective. I came to realize something quite obvious: this is the real world. The base of my community and context has been largely Christian for the last 6 years, both at SPU and at Fuller, so it was a reality check for me today...and it was somewhat refreshing to have that. Although most of my time today I was quite content reading my book (today it was The AIDS Crisis by Meredith Long and Debbie Dortzbach...good stuff), I know real engagement with real people will happen regularly as we sit around waiting for our scenes; I anticipate that with a mix of both excitement and fear. I'm excited because it will be an opportunity to learn from others and grow in my own understanding of how others see the world. However, I fear that I'll be like a child learning how to walk, messing up and struggling to figure out how to live as a Christian in the very dark world of entertainment. Really, my goal is to be a learner and listener in these types of situations more than anything else.
From another perspective, the whole time I was on the set I felt this sense of emptiness. It's difficult to explain, but it was a heaviness I saw in others, this feeling of trying to prove yourself, not only as an actor, but as a person. Even while I was there, I felt that tug at me a bit, which is weird because I have no desire to do this long-term. I left my first day as an extra with a bit of a cloud over my head as I realized that this is really life for most of the people I worked with. Life is the entertainment business and whether or not that's something they wanted out of this industry, it has become the foundation of their worldview, which is manifested in the conversation, actions, and attitudes. I don't say these things with judgment in my tone, but somehow I'm just filled with sadness. I guess I somewhat expected to find these things as I went into my experiences, but lately I am finding that the things I've expected are often pushed aside by hopes of things being different than they actually are.
Before I expand my rant and psycho-analyze my experience anymore, I will sign off for now. Even with the strangeness of today, it was a fun experience.
If you're an ER fan, look for me in episodes 6 and 7 of this season. Stay tuned for more adventures.

A world without Scott

On Thursday morning Scott Becker died. He was my former associate pastor at my church in Seattle, Sunday school teacher at our church in Los Angeles, a scholar and colleague of mine at Fuller, a fellow musician of the worship team, and most importantly, he was my friend. Over the last several days I have poured myself and my grief into preparations for his memorial service that was held yesterday, but today the world feels more empty as I sit and absorb the real depths of both our loss as a community, as well as my own loss.
Scott had been a rock for me, ever since I first met him in 2001. His incredible ability to think through faith, grace, justice, and Christian ethics always challenged me in my own faith. He was one of the first people in my life that showed me how to think critically and with a keen balance between grace and truth. He was one of the church's most honest critics, but he always spoke with humility and spoke with the intent of helping others to grow closer to God. His progressive ideas and mind challenged me and inspired me as he demonstrated what it meant to live in the tensions of life. He did that better than anyone I know; as long as I've known him, he's never tried to underplay what that looks like, something I even observed in his last emails to me just two weeks ago while I was in Africa. Scott's faith- seen in his heart, actions, and sharp mind- have left a mark on my own life. I am grateful to have known him these last six years, and even more blessed to have been so close to Scott and Karla over the last two years here in Pasadena. I hate that I have to speak about Scott in the past tense and I hate that the dangerous Porter/Becker combo will never grace a worship platform again. I hate that I didn't get to see him one last time since I've been back in the country and I hate that I will never be able to seek his advice again. Nevertheless, it brings me deep joy to know that he'll never have to go through another round of chemotherapy again. His pain has been abolished and although ours begins as we say goodbye to our dear friend, I know the Lord is present in that pain.

"For a few hours after coming home, I had this strange feeling of being divided against myself, going about tasks around the condo, looking and moving as I normally would, and feeling as if something inside me was screaming to be heard. I guess that's exactly it. Being in the chair for two hours of chemo treatment calls forth someone inside me that I haven't listened to much over the last month, the person who badly, badly does not want to die. Along with the side of me who really is at peace and finding unexpected joy in the midst of this situation is another side wounded by the knowledge that there is no someday after I'm all done with treatments, no more hikes up Nevada Falls, no more bike rides up Whidbey Island, no more vacations with Karla. I can't allow this to be the voice that determines how I live out the time God gives me, but if I ignore it, it might at some point explode with a force that tears me apart. I have to listen to it, to hurt with it. Perhaps there's a way to make peace between the two sides; I can't really say that I've done so yet."- Scott Becker, December 21, 2006
http://aufhebung1.blogspot.com/
Scott, we miss you.